One of the Many Reasons My Parents Are Awesome

A classic email from my dad:

Hi Hug Bug!!

I have res. for fri jet blue. we are staying at a dump called Marriot Fairfield Inn. It'a a fancy name for a flop house/drug sales/weekly rooms hotel. There will probably be drunks in the halls but they are usually passed out and there is not a lot of gunfire inside the hotel, some but not a lot. Pencil yourself in

Love,
Yer Paw

Yes, We Can!

I like to use my minor celebrity status* to bring awareness to important issues plaguing our society. I previously brought you the problem of awful prints and paintings uglifying our nation's offices.

Today I bring you something even more shocking. I personally cannot believe we, as an advanced and caring society, would let this happen or continue for as long as it has.

Ladies and gentlemen, our country has a severe lack of ice cube trays (I bolded that so you wouldn't miss the important part).

I have been to Target three times, Walmart twice and the grocery store several times a week for the last month and NONE OF THEM HAVE ICE CUBE TRAYS.

All I want to do is portion out some sauces into individual servings and maybe freeze some water when my drink needs cooling, but I have been thwarted from my effort by these callous and uncaring corporate giants. None of their associates seem to care that my pesto is going to go bad before I can divvy it up for freezing. THE PESTO IS GOING TO DIE IF WE DO NOT QUICKLY ADDRESS THIS UNACCEPTABLE AND IMPORTANT ISSUE. Do you want to be responsible for the death of my pesto? I'm guessing not.

So get on the phones, get to your typewriters, fax machines, computers, or even good old pen and paper (I don't discriminate based on your embrace of technological advancement) and write your representatives, hell, write Obama, and let's work together to get this fixed.

Say it with me: YES, we CAN get some damn ice cube trays in a freaking store somewhere in the southern Orange County area. YES, WE CAN!

___________________
*Copy and pasted from my IMDB resume:

Television
- Dane Cook at the Laugh Factory (2006) ... Audience Member
- Superbowl XXXII Motown halftime show(1998) ... Dancer

Film
- Where The Light Is - John Mayer Live in Los Angeles (2008) ... Audience Member

Stage
- M*A*S*H (1997) ... Dr. Ruth, Ph.D.

Owwwwww

I've been getting up early and going to the gym before work lately (ok, fine, the last two days) and have been very proud of myself.

Two days down and the rest of my life to go (le sigh).

I am now sore in muscles I forgot existed. One of those is my pectoral right next to my armpit, which apparently is used constantly in my job of sitting at a desk and moving rarely. I've been massaging it and just now realized that I look like I'm massaging my boob. It is all about class up in here!

My weekly plan is to workout in the mornings except for Friday, when I'll do yoga and some quality sauna/steamroom/whirlpool time. Then more yoga Saturday and this fun class on Sunday. I'm hoping to kind of make it a daily routine so I can get used to it faster. I'm hoping the yoga on Friday and Saturday will count as days off to my body. What do you think?

Uhm ...

Hey, Frito-Lay, can we talk? Can we sit down and have a bit of a chat about your newest ad campaign targeting women? The one that includes this little piece of ... something:

http://www.awomansworld.com/#/Webisodes/4/4

THAT IS OFFENSIVE, FRITO-LAY! Did you have Mel Gibson's ad-man character from What Women Want pitch this? Because being overcome by the Gibson's charm is the only way I can think of that would get this idea actually made.

I'm not really sure how you think playing up sexist stereotypes of women cooing over weight loss via illness would make anyone want to eat potato chips.

It actually makes me want to throw up (which should apparently make me really happy because that means I'll lose weight! I should watch these more often as part of my diet).