Same But Different

My ex boyfriend was in town this weekend. He moved out of state for his job about a year and a half ago, but I haven't seen him in about four years.

So much changes, yet so much stays ridiculously the same.

Other than the "so what have you been doing for the last however long it's been?", it was all very familiar. Too familiar.

I had grown comfortable with someone not being there and then BAM - someone's there again without the messiness and trial and error of learning a new someone. Except now he's in my headspace again and I worked freakin' hard to get him out of there - not an easy task considering he's an editor of a prominent magazine that my dad happens to subscribe to and has laying all over his house.

After dinner we just kind of hung out and cuddled while watching a movie. During that time we communicated more and were more open then we ever were when dating. He's several years older and we started dating when I was 19 - most of the the relationship seemed to have been a battle of who could care less - a battle I constantly lost. Things were said that should have been said a long time ago. It may be after the fact, but it's nice to know I was and have been in his head as much as he's been in mine. Now there's nothing left but a comfortable affection.

I realized that the set up I have with my pillows is just a poor man's attempt to get back there - to that comfiness and closeness.

When he left I said "see you in another four years." He protested and insisted that it won't be that long. It won't ... it will probably be longer.

Oh, and I drove a brand new Porsche 911 GT2. So I have that going for me.

Edited to add:

1) a whole bunch of extra stuff up there.
2) I originally posted this with about 1/3 of what's written above. I mentioned to a friend that I was debating posting something even that personal, but upon a re-read after publishing I realized it was hardly personal or intimate at all. I realized that my entire adult life, like I mentioned above in reference to my relationship, has been a battle of who could care less out some kind of an attempt to save my ego - a battle that I've generally won. Well, fuck that. This shit's getting more personal. You still may think that what's up there isn't that revealing, but I'm pretty uncomfortable posting it, so it's a hell of a lot more personal that my usual M.O. We'll see - I may jump back over my wall, but since blogging is apparently the new (free) therapist, I'll work at it.