It's All Just Noise Anyway

I started this post in my head with the thought that I had spoken just 6 words since I left the house this morning at 10:30 AM. I thought it was interesting that I could go about my day and have interactions with people without really saying anything.

And then, after reflecting on my day, I realized that I spoke 52 words today, which isn't a very interesting number. 52 words can contain quite a bit. 52 words can say everything - or, in my case today, absolutely nothing.

I'm no longer impressed with myself, but I realized that I attempt to impress myself. Such an odd thing to do, really - attempt to beat your own expectations of yourself. But if you are your own worst critic, which I am, then to impress yourself means that surely you can impress other people.

So, really, me thinking I had spoken only 6 words today was an attempt to impress myself with an observation that ultimately fell flat, in an attempt to impress you. Instead, I spoke 52 words and impressed no one. I typed 192 words to tell you I spoke 52 (206 including this sentence).

But I did see Juno, so I have that going for me.

Say What?

There's a quote from the dad from the showOrange County Choppers that always cracks me up:

"What was was was, what is is is, and what is is right now."

It sounds so ridiculous and pseudo prophetic, but deep down, underneath its jumbled exterior, there's an honest sentiment. The past is the past, the present is the present and the present is reality. It's a silly, slightly incoherent reminder not to dwell on the past, but to live in the present.

Also, in the many "ifs" I'm constantly thinking about: if I ever put out two albums, the first would be titled "What Was" - because first albums are always about and informed by the entirety of your life up until that point - and the second would be "What Is" - because a second album is always, always informed by what's happened between putting out the first album and creating the second one, there's some going back, but the far past has been forever tweaked but the recent pasts influence on your paradigm.

Dig the Buzz

This is something I wrote a couple months ago:

I fully admit that I am addicted to caffeine in the form of delicious Diet Coke. I can usually limit myself to one glass a day, but if I don't get it, I get pretty grumpy. I am also, until tomorrow, very poor. Hence, I have not had Diet Coke in three days. Three. whole. fucking. days. I finally had enough and, determined to buy some nectar of the gods, scrounged my house, purse, and car for any spare change. I came up with $1.71, an amount that would buy me a 2-liter of Diet Coke. As long as it was $1.50 on the shelf I would then have enough for 7.75% sales tax and about $0.09 of monetary wiggle room.

I strode into my grocer of choice, confident in the fact that I would be able to purchase my beloved God Juice and tame the thirst I had been ravaged with for three days. I plucked the bottle off the shelf and meandered over to the self check out aisle, scanned it, heard the joyous beep indicating it was almost mine, glanced at the total .... $1.72. I was ONE FUCKING PENNY too poor. It was certainly revenge from all those pennies I had left after dropping them, smug in the knowledge that they were basically worthless. I had completely forgotten about the $0.10 mandatory recycling tax, a.k.a. "Redemption Value." I hung my head, returned the bottle to the shelf and was positive I'd spend the rest of the day in bed, waiting for the clock to turn midnight and my paycheck to be deposited.

When I reached my car, a dejected, poor failure, I opened the door, certain I had searched everywhere for every last penny - there it was, gleaming and beautiful on the driver side floor mat - a solitary, shiny copper penny. $1.72.

The nectar of the gods is mine.

Say It With A Band

I decided that if I ever started an emo band I'd call it:



(I was even motivated enough by this thought that I tested out fonts - this is totally the one I'd use if I ever started an emo band, called it Quoth the Raven and needed to find a good font to market said band with)

EDIT: Dangit - someone beat me to it: www.myspace.com/qtrtheband. At least they suck, have almost no friends, have only 45 second songs, AND their font is crap. My band would be so much better.

U-G-L-Y - You Ain't Got No Alibi

I received one of these purses from my aunt and uncle for Christmas. I had requested a gift card of some sort, like usual, because my Southern California tastes rarely match their south of the Mason-Dixon tastes.

It's a faux Vera Bradley - the name of which I know solely because my grandmother gave me a whole big set of the real ones (duffle bag, makeup tote, purse and wristlet) for my high school graduation, which I promptly gave to my mom who hid them somewhere in storage and as I was recently strapped for cash, I was going to dig them out and ebay them. This spurned several minutes worth of research on exactly how much I could extrude from the average buyer.

I seriously just don't understand who could like these purses enough to pay $80. They're busy, the colors are garish, they're made of a soft cloth that just flops over and begs to get dirty - I see no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Why do people like these? I guess if I can get an answer to that I can get an answer to who the hell buys these, these, and these.

Limpio Mi Casa

I hate cleaning, with a passion. I was always kind of a spoiled kid in that my dad never made me clean, but mom would make my brother and I clean once a week, and I usually threw a tantrum every Saturday. I loathe scrubbing, making my hands moist and itchy from cleaning chemicals, sweeping, dusting ... all of it.

Obviously, I preferred to be at my dad's house on Saturday.

Now that I'm all grow'd up I still hate cleaning, but it's a necessary evil since I don't have the cash to hire a maid, but now I've added quirks to my cleaning. For instance, I don't clean when people are around - this probably stems from the fact that whenever I clean people express shock, which just annoys me. So, when my roommate leaves for anything more than two days I clean.

My roommate Helen left this morning, so I cleaned. I put on my Any Given Thursday DVD, cranked up the volume and got to work. Now the apartment is sparkling!

There really isn't a point to this post, I'm just proud of myself. I wish you could see the place.

Gooooooogle

I am un-Google-able.

Oh, sure, if you google my name there are results that pop up that match it, but none of them are me. If they were me, however, I would be the following things:

- The Managing Director of a successful hedge fund (this would actually be awesome, I'd be RICH, biotch!)

- A librarian (not so awesome)

- In charge of Christian Action prayer circle at the annual Women's Walk 102 and Assistant Lay Director (heh heh) for Pioneer Country Emmaus

- The Attorney-In-Fact for a limited partnership (ooh, the power!)

- An 11 year old girl who did not finish a 200 meter dash and thus came in dead last (Sounds kind of familiar ...)

- Married in 1991 and live in Colorado (surprisingly, this woman looks very similar to my mom).

- Dead as of August 8, 2007 along with Sister Mary Magdalene.

Jokes and Jokes and Jokes

My favorite joke:

Two guys are sitting in a bar at the top of a skyscraper. One guy turns to the other and says "Did you know that if you jump out the window, the architecture of this building creates a wind that will pull you back into the building at the 10th floor?"

The second guy says "There's no way that's true. That's physically impossible!"

The first guy says "It's true! I'll show you." He walks over to the window and jumps out.

He passes 15

14

13

12

11

And sure enough, at the 10th floor the winds grab him, pull him into an open window and he runs up the stairs

The second guy is just blown away. "That's an anomaly! There's no way that could happen twice!"

So the first guy jumps out the window again. He passes 15

14

13

12

11

and sure enough, at the 10th floor, the winds grab him and pull him in and he runs back up to the bar.

The second guy is astounded: "I have to try this for myself! This is just too freakin' incredible." So he jumps out the window and passes 15

14

13

12

11

10

9

8 ....

and so on until SPLAT, he hits the ground.

The bartender turns to the first guy and says "Superman, you're an ass when you're drunk!"

Boys Have Cooties and I Have Issues

4:02 PM me:crikey, why are you idle?

4:04 PM Ok, then I'll talk to myself, but pretend you're there

Date guy (Sunday .. it's official) actually bought both The Antiques and Boddicker's album solely because I gushed about them

4:05 PM How cute is that? Although now i have to figure out someplace to meet up with him that has personality

also, luckily I got paid today so I get to go buy a new outfit

5:02 PM Girl: LOL

I love you so much

so he's letting you pick the place I see

me: well, he kind of has to - we're meeting in Newport and he wouldn't even know someplace to go in LA because he's new

5:05 PM Girl: ahhhh

Girl: but...dude....I'm like pissing my pants in hilarity over here after a phone call I just had

me: tell me

Girl: well I didn't start seeing Man to make Boy jealous AT ALL

me: of course not

Girl: but apparently that is what has transpired

5:07 PM Boy called out friend Chick last night seriously stressed out

wanting to see if she would go to the church christmas party with him since his friend and her boyfriend, Guy, is out of town

and he doesn't want to be alone since I am bringing Man

and he told her that he's so confused and had this crazy dream where I was naked! and beckoning him

5:08 PM and I know Boy and how vivid his dreams can be and how serious he takes them

and for him to tell Chick that...LOL OMG pissing pants

5:09 PM she said he sounded really unhappy and jealous and stressed

and I say "fuck yeah, you should feel that way"

5:10 PM and then you [Boy] should look in the mirror and realize you did that entirely to yourself and had every opportunity in the world to get me back

and you [Boy] are just a dumbass

take some tips from your latin brother here on how to adore a woman

5:11 PM :end rant:

5:12 PM oh yeah, and he changed his mood on myspace from content to confused

hahahahahaha

5:19 PM me: lol - he totally deserves it

Girl: it sucks because I still completely love the guy

but seriously...it shouldn't take me getting a boyfriend for him to get his head out of his ass

5:25 PM Girl: I

I'm so excited for your date

you better give me details

5:26 PM me: meh, that's usually what happens. When you were single you were still available - sometimes it takes total loss of something to realize how much we valued it

Girl: yeah

I hear that

but seriously....the kid had every chance in the freaking world to get me back

5:27 PM I mean I was still professing feelings for him up until like 2 weeks ago when I told him I didn't want or need him as a friend

me: which is why he totally deserves what he's getting now

it's so childlike to expect to throw away something and then have it still be there when you decide you want it

the only thing that works like that are parents

when you're 5

5:28 PM And I'll tell you about the date, haha - I think he's more excited than I am, but that's entirely because I'm cynical and afraid of rejection and won't let myself get worked up over it

Girl: yeah...

me: but at least I know what my issues are!

5:29 PM Girl: which is so much of the battle, my friend :-P

me: it's cute, he laughs if he trips over a word he's saying or it takes him a moment to get it out

5:30 PM Girl: hehe

me: which, really, will only be cute if it doesn't continue indefinitely

5:31 PM I'm awful - already finding things to dislike. What the eff is wrong with me?

5:32 PM Girl: awww...come on...those little quirks can be extremely endearing

me: I know, I think I just have to see him again

Funnay

This shit is FUNNY. Especially if you're even slightly emo. Check out the full series here.

I wish I Was A Little Bit Taller

Christmas season is wishing season! I just gave a whole list of wishes to my parents the other day. It's the best kind of wishing too. None of that lame ass birthday wishing where you have to keep it a secret to make it come true. These kind of wishes you spread around so you make sure they come true. So, here are my 2007 Christmas Season Wishes, feel free to grant them:


This photograph is just gorgeous. It's done by a technique called "through the viewfinder" - using a digital camera to take a photo through the viewfinder of an older camera.

OR



Old-esque "through the viewfinder" photographs transferred onto drink coasters? Yes, please! The only change I'd wish for is to switch the dark one to a photograph with more white space like the other three. Luckily the artist will make tiles with any photograph you want if you ask them.


SONY Portable e-book. It holds up to 1,000 books and uses new technology so reading it as comfortable as reading a normal book. Nothing will replace good old-fashioned paper in your hands but I'd be perfectly okay with toting around a thousand books in my pocket to read whenever I want without having to strap a U-Haul to my rear.



Seriously, how cute is this clutch - corral print fabric, with wood closure and giant button. I think I'm in love. I generally prefer to carry as little on me as possible, so clutch's are my dream purse. I think I'm going to have to go dig out my mom's vintage clutch now ...

Diggin' What?

I'm really loving these two videos:


If I was ever musically talented enough to make a music video I think that would be it. She has animal headed bike riders following her and doing tricks TO HER MUSIC.


How much skillz does it take to sing your song backwards convincingly? A LOT. And the drummer is doing his thang perfectly backwards too. A little birdy told me that it was done in about three takes. THREE!

Holla to talented musicians who make music for my thankful ears.

What the S&*t

I think shit is my favorite curse word.

No, I KNOW it's my favorite curse word.

Fuck is overused, overinflated, everyone and their mother says fuck when they're pissed off.

But, shit, now that's a good curse word and is so often overlooked because of that spotlight hogger fuck.

There's so much more aggression let out in the extended version: shhhhhhhhhhhhhit.

The quick version is just as satisfying, no long vowels to encumber verbalizing it multiple times: shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. It just flows off the tongue.

You can't say "that's the fuck", it's "that's the shit" or "that's the fuckin' shit". Fuck is just support cast for the main player.

Plus, it's translation into German is one of the raddest undercover curse words ever: sheisse. You can say it all day long and no one (but a German) will realize you're cursing. It's saved my relationship with my mother.

Give shit a chance.

Come On Ride The Train

Everyone seems to have one of these shindigs and I am nothing if not ahead of the curve.

Here I am, world! Not new, but improved (arguably).

I plan to present you with one, all, or none of the following: music, movies, books, love, hate, boys, girls, my hair, your hair, his hair, gel, words, clothes, the absence of clothes, pictures, designs, frogs, dogs, shampoo, concerts, caffeinated beverages, abandoned song titles, kept album titles, who's who in Who, guitars, jewelry, fascinating people, funny people, awful people, thoughts, metaphors, questions, no answers, and, finally, pickles.

Ok, probably not gel.

See you around.